Trust Africa News, By Ayomide Otitoju
Abiola Ogbu is the convener of True Love Encounter, a platform that handles relationship matters relating to Singles and Married. She hail from Mopa in Kogi State, happily married. She shared her experience with TRUSTAFRICANEWS. Excerpt.
HOW IT ALL STARTED
I met my husband Ndubuis iOgbu from Enugu state in Kano and we relocated to Lagos after we got married.
Before then,I had a six years (6yrs) relationship andwas already looking towards marriage when i just felt something was not clicking and I was not having peace any longer. I prayed about it and God was like this is not my choice for you. I met my husband in a youth fellowship year 2000 and we became friends after which we courted for four years (4yrs) before we got married in 2004 and we are seventeen years (17yrs) on in the marriage now. He has been wonderful. Marrying from Kogi to Enugu, people felt we weregoing to have problems, but I am enjoying the marriage,it’s been wonderful.
The relationship between me and my husband is somehow strange to a lot of people because we live like boyfriend and girlfriend, sometimes we behave like twins. A lot of people always think maybe we are newly married because of the way we relate.
KEEPING SECRETS
There is no secret between us. We share the same passwords If he makes any money, I am in charge of disbursement. I can pick his phone, he can pick my phone we are that close and the love is so strong we are just best of friends. We courted for four years (4yrs) and we are Seventeen (17) years on September 4. Your secret is between you and the only third party which is God. So I encourage couples stay away from third parties and sort out your matters between yourselves.
THE SURPRISE BIRTHDAY
Organize a surprise birthday on September 4 last year 2020 for a sister. During the celebration, the birthday celebrant told us about the book she wrote and about to publish. It was then I was pushed to tidy up on the book I hadwritten for the singles without a title.
THE BOOK- CHOOSING THE RIGHT PERSON TO MARRY
I wanted a book that can guide youth/singles in their choice of life partner.I was looking for a title that has not existed anywhere and so when I check the Amazon, I could not find any book with the same title as “Choosing the Right Person to marry”. So since I already know that the book is for anyone who is yet to be married so that they will not make mistakes.
I wasn’t writing because I want to make money, I wanted to see happiermarriageslike mine.
DATING IS FRIENDSHIP
What are those things that I need to check and take note of before I agree to marry that man/woman for life.
Normally you know in Africa, dating is not our word it is Western, but I have been able to define dating as friendship but the mistake a lot of people make is that they assume dating to be a courtship relationship, dating is friendship. A courtship relationship starts from the moment you agree to marry someone till the day you get married. A lot of people have had their hearts broken because they are engaged to somebody they don’t really know. Maybe they should have remain on dating level, but they took it further to courtship only to discover they are with the wrong person and then they will breakup and so many wounded hearts at the end of the day.Such people may find it difficult to trust other personsby the time they have suffered multiple heartbreak. They will be having both fearof ‘Is there any real man’? Or ‘is there any genuine lady out there’? Dating is a period you get to know yourselves, get to know people wellbefore you are committed in anyway
WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR IN MY MAN
I personally have what I was looking for in a man.
That man must be a born again Christian like me, he must be taller than me, he must be a man that is pro-active thatI don’t have to be pushing aroundI want a man witha good sense ofdressing; I want a man that can speak good English without accent. Someone said these things don’t really matter but I said they matter a great deal because marriage is physical you don’t faith it. I want a man that I can proudly introduce to people and feel proud to walk on the street with him.
What are the things you are looking out for? What appeals to you?
And so if a short man is coming then I know there is no time to waste because I know he wasn’t my spec. That is the area of what do you want.
Discover yourself first. What can you offer?
If you don’t know what you want, you will accept just anybody that comes your way. If you know what you are looking for, for example if you want a career lady you will not be looking out for somebody who is an entrepreneur into business. So you should defined yourself and be focused and will not engage in endless search.
WE SETTLE QUARREL OURSELVES
Like the bible said, “a man shall leave his Father and Mother and cleave to his wife. I remember when we were getting married, my husband told me that if I offend you, don’t tell your family nor my family. We have been married for seventeen years (17yrs) now nobody has ever come to settle a dispute for us. We settle quarrel ourselves. One of my brother in-law one day said ‘una no dey fight? just because they have never heard that we are quarrelling and they should come and settle us, Because the danger in it is that when you report your spouse to your family, when you and your spouse make up or settle, the family will not forget the thing, So when you forgive and moved on, family will not forget that thing. So why do you want to create problems for yourself.
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MARRY A MAN OF VISION
When you are dating a guy you will know if the guy has a future and a purpose in life? It’s only the grave that starts from up.Everybody up there started from somewhere, even that man that have a big car and a big house started from somewhere, Most of the girls now are days want already made men. I personally said God don’t give me a rich man give me a man that will can grow rich together so that if I break aglass cup in the house, I break it with confidence. When we got married we got married into a one room apartment and from one room we moves to 3 bed room, from 3 bed room we are moving into a duplex. Many people married
for the money but with the money they are not happy. I wanted love and happiness and i wanted to grow with my man so if your man is in one room today, it doesn’t mean he is going to live in one room forever, If you believe in him and you love and you know he has a future and you can see that this man has prospects follow him and stand with him and you will watch him grow but if you are waiting, know that gold in its raw form is not attractive but it passes through fire before it can shine, So if it’s raw you will never take it. Maybe the man you think you cannot accept or marry now is like gold passing through refining.
DON’T LOOK DOWN ON ANY MAN
I have seen a case were a guy propose to a lady, she look down on him and he later became so successful and wealthy.There is a story of our Bishop David Oyedepo who the lady he wanted to marry looked down on him and called him names but look at him today I am sure such a person will be regretting. So you don’t look down on a man just because of where town and your marriage is not talk of the town what do you have?.
WHEN GRACE SPEAKS
Sometimes people look at us and say how are you people doing it? Even when it’s rough we are happy and smiling because i am with the right person. When you are with the right person the, the strength to go through will be there, But when you are not with the right person you will be frustrated. Or if you are with the right person there is this natural grace that no matter what he is going through easily you will face it because you know there is light at the end of the tunnel.
PLAN TO WRITE ANOTHER BOOK
This one is choosing the right person to marry for Singles.
By the grace of God another book will come out that willaddressthe early marriage issues that causes break-up in the early stage of marriage.Most marital crisis happened between ages of Zero and Ten years of marriage.
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